Monogamy and Commitment

The one thing I counted on in my marriage was commitment. Not perfection, not happiness, not love alone, no. I knew commitment would be important. I knew commitment was where all my previous relationships had failed -- not with me leaving, but with her leaving, whoever she was.

I am sure that pattern has something to do with me -- correlation? Causation? How wonderful would a truly testable science of the mind be.

Anyway, I am uncommitted again, single, free, in the same boat with Hugh Hefner and, well, a lot of lesser known single people, such as my mom and brother.

Why would I ever choose monogamy again? Last time I almost did not survive it. I lashed my life so fast to the mast of monogamous marriage -- I swallowed the key, I threw off the anchor, I happily painted myself into a corner. And when that ship was quite suddenly blasted to splinters, I was way out to sea, alone, wrecked, shattered in a complex, grown-up world where I was expected to, quite simply, get my shit together quickly or suffer serious consequences.

This question is for me, for myself. Look here, man. Answer me. Why the fuck do you think it would work the next time? Love? Passion? Signed documents? Legal declarations? What bond hasn't been tried and broken?

It's no good being able to make and keep a commitment if no one will keep it with you. Keep your commitment to yourself. You owe no one else any commitment. You always attract the wrong kind. Or you settle too soon. Or people change and there's nothing you can do about it, so expect them to be faithless, whinging on about their happiness and how you fucked it up. Never give them a chance. Even not knowing the cause, the last one was too close to death, too painful, too destructive of my secret hopes, dreams and faith. Promise me you'll never let that happen to me again.