This morning I was reminded

I don't know what it was -- something to do with a combination of thoughts in the shower about figuratively climbing out from under wreckage and then the breeze coming in through the open window in my bedroom afterward, the autumn day outside flashing through fluttering curtains. There it was, a stream of memories of us. Better times. Back in the days when we said we would be together forever, when my whole adult life hinged on one choice: that I would live it with you.

There were beautiful times, many of them. And when memories of them dislodge from their recesses in my mind and float to consciousness, I am struck by how much I lost and how painful it is. How meaningless and empty my life seems today!

Was I running away? Why, yes I was. I hadn't noticed. I was trying to escape the pain and put it all behind me like it was something I could control by will. It's easy to start running away in life and forget that's what you were doing. This morning I was reminded. Back to the here and now.